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Britney Spears’ watch, Day 6: Drugs that make panties disappear?

December 11, 2006

A quick scan of the Web headlines finds a nuclear winter’s worth of Britney Spears‘ pantless fallout. Everyone’s hunting for the latest on the “axis of evil” of Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan (to a lesser extent — she’s in AA, remember?).

Britney with snake at MTV VMAsSo, by popular demand, here we go with Day 6 of the Britney Spears’ watch — your hot stove league for the latest in the troika’s “news” coverage. (Parts one, two, three, four and five available here)

I hate to think that, when I die, this will be considered one of my most-popular contributions to humanity….ugh! But here we go again:

bullet SIDE EFFECTS INCLUDE NO UNDERWEAR: So why did Britney go pantless?

Numerous theories abound in the blogosphere. I just think it was a pure-and-simple publicity stunt — Paris gets herself in the papers, along with Spears’ buzz peaking to new heights (or lows, depending on your point of view). BTW, even Britney’s hair color change makes news now.

But the media has dug up more “legitimate” reasons for her drawers-droppin’ antics. One report on National Ledger says Britney was inspired by the recent Brad Pitt movie Babel:

Now veteran gossip Janet Charlton takes a stab at Britney’s mindset. Charlton writes that someone offered up the theory that perhaps Britney was inspired by the Brad Pitt film Babel.

I have yet to see the film but Janet reports that a main character, played to perfection by Rinko Kikuchi, is a disturbed mute Japanese schoolgirl who is desperate for attention. She leaves her underpants at home and flashes startled onlookers in restaurants and such. Apparently the looks on their faces are gratifying to her. Maybe the newly single Britney was crying out for help with the same inappropriate behavior.

Good stab there… but how about a more reasonable deduction? It was all caused by medications!

A report in In Touch Weekly has a source saying they saw Britney with tons of antidepressants:

Britney thinkingBritney Spears has reportedly turned to medication to help her get through her recent split from K-Fed. The 25-year-old singer, who filed for divorce last month, has been seen carrying several types of anti-depressants in her handbag.

On November 27, BritBrit dined at Dan Tana’s restaurant in West Hollywood – where she was also spotted carrying a glass of red wine out to her car before getting behind the wheel – and during a visit to the bathroom a fellow diner caught a glimpse inside her handbag.

The source told In Touch Weekly magazine,”It looked like a pharmacy in there – I have never seen so many pills. There was a bottle of Paxil, an antidepressant, and a bottle of Xanax, which treats anxiety, that she took out and put on the counter.”

The directions for both these drugs state they should not be mixed with alcohol.

Of course, if she would have read the pill bottle, she would have seen that side effects also include nights of pole dancing, underwear shedding at gas stations, attraction to no-talent hotel heiresses and heightened interest by local child-welfare agencies. Oh yeah, and drowsiness. (X17 has the pictures as well)

bullet LOHAN EXPRESS TRAIN WRECK UPDATE: Lindsay Lohan has had a rough fortnight.

Lindsay cheers for the LakersHer letter to the family of Robert Altman was heavily scrutinized. Reports of her GQ party diva fit over a former assistant hit the news. Then, she writes up a dubious e-mail that claims she has connections to former President Clinton and veep Al Gore to help her in a PR war.

Gore’s office issued a statement saying he had only met Lohan briefly in the party of hundreds of guests, and that he knew nothing of this connection. Frankly, one brief meeting is likely enough. The Clintons also refused to comment.

But, hey, he did like Herbie: Fully Loaded. That makes 3 people. (just kidding.)

Speaking of “fully loaded”, The London Free Press’ gossip section has reports of a Lohan drug overdose:

So far, there has been no response from wild-child Lindsay Lohan about widespread reports she OD’d at Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont Hotel, with a doctor finding her unconscious with a stash of drugs in her suite. While her management admitted she has a drinking problem and is attending AA, her spokesperson won’t address the drug accusations. Lindsay’s depressed by her failed love affair with wealthy Harry Morton (who couldn’t handle her emotional turmoil) and by her estrangement from her jailbird dad, Michael, who’s serving time for a litany of offences.

bullet LOHAN CUTTING HERSELF?: On a serious note, here’s another troubling sign of Lohan’s state of mind. Questions are arising about wrist wounds pictured on Lindsay’s arms in recent snapshots.

ECanadaNow has the details and pics:

Sources close to Lindsay have revealed that she was seen “sawing at her wrist with a butter knife” while complaining about the miserable state of her life to friends in a London hotel room, resulting in the cuts seen in various photos.

According to Mike Walker it was “a dull knife” and “not a suicide attempt, but a cry for help”.

“The arms are the most common place for self injury,” self-injury expert Jan Sutton, who has written two books on the subject, told the London Sun after being shown pics of Lohan’s wrists. “Some of the scars are fresh and just above those there are a number of injuries which look older. They are called keloid scars and are just beginning to disappear. It would be difficult to argue this is an accident as there are just too many scars.”

Knowing a former co-worker that cut herself regularly and then went public with the information, I find this a serious cause for alarm. Self-mutilation, or self-injury as it’s sometimes known, is a serious mental condition. The site Cool Nurse has more details:

People who “self-injure” are not usually suicidal. They do however, intentionally inflict injuries upon themselves, usually in response to stress or trauma. Their injuries may vary from minor cuts that heal quickly to very serious wounds that leave permanent scars. This is also known as “Deliberate Self-Harm Syndrome”.

If you or someone you know self-injures, please get professional help right away. This is just an overview of a very complex myriad of syndromes.

Self-injury usually indicates that somewhere during development that person didn’t learn good ways of coping with overwhelming feelings or stress. They’re not sick or insane; they just never learned positive ways to deal with feelings and emotions for various reasons. Positive coping skills can be learned at any point in life. People who self-injure can learn to use new and healthier coping mechanisms. This process may take years to develop with the help of a skilled therapist familiar with this condition.

The late Princess Diana’s word’s shocked the world when she admitted in a television interview that she intentionally cut her arms and legs and had thrown herself down a flight of stairs on more than one occasion.

bullet PLAYING THE FIELD: The Post-Chronicle is reporting that Paris Hilton has been outed as bisexual by a Venezuelan MTV star, saying Hilton and Spears had a sleepover hook-up in Vegas:

On December 2, a British newspaper ran pictures of Hilton kissing Venezuelan MTV star Eglantina Zing during a modelling job and claimed the heiress and Spears had dabbled in sexual activities during a 19 November (06) sleepover in Las Vegas.

Britney Spears nude no panties parade has caused Paris Hilton to slam reports that she has been sexually intimate with the Pop-Tart and insists they are just great friends.

Spears’ ex-husband Jason Alexander, who was married to the pop star for 55 hours, recently suggested Spears was bisexual in an interview, explaining, “She found other girls attractive, yes, but we never did anything about it.”

Hilton’s representative, Elliot Mintz, slams reports his client was intimate with Spears, saying, “That is just silly.”

Man, those sleepovers at Paris’ place must be well-attended. But what ever happened to the rule “What happens in Vegas STAYS in Vegas?”

Jeannette Walls of MSNBC is also asking questions, according to National Ledger:

Paris Hilton has a message for her fans: she and Britney Spears are not lovers.The partying heiress and her underwearless new best friend have come under increased speculation lately as they romp around hot spots together. The buzz grew louder when Spears’ hubby of 55 hours suggested that the “Oops I Did It Again” songstress likes women, saying, “She found other girls attractive, yes, but we never did anything about it.”

In a recent photograph, Hilton looked very much like she was stroking Spears’ upper thigh. And another report showed Hilton kissing another woman and suggested that Hilton and Spears are more than just good friends.

bullet FINALLY, COMEDY WRITERS HAVING A FIELD DAY: While many consider this celebrity drivel “fake news,” the experts in the fake-news and satire industry are going to town. Though, I’m still waiting for The Onion to chime in. Here’s just a roundup of the highlights from around the Web:

First, from BS News:

Britney Spears And Paris Hilton Beat Lindsay Lohan Within Inch Of Life: HOLLYWOOD, CA – Lindsay Lohan was jumped by Britney Spears and Paris Hilton outside an LA nightclub last night and beaten to ‘within an inch of her natural born life,’ the LAPD reported today.

“Ms. Lohan sustained several massive blows to the head during the assault,” said LAPD Commissioner William Bratton today. “She is currently on a respirator and in critical condition. An APB has been put out for the immediate arrest of both Spears and Hilton on the charges of attempted murder.”

Next, from PugBus:

Lindsay Lohan Accused of Plagiarism: HOLLYWOOD – Lindsay Lohan has been accused of plagiarism by an eighth grade student in Omaha, Nebraska. The student, Shelly Atwater, is a member of Miss Leopold’s homeroom at John Glenn Middle School.

Ms. Atwater claims that parts of her essay on educational values, which was posted on Myspace.com on November 27 as part of a class project, were used without attribution by Ms. Lohan in an e-mail to unspecified persons in her Blackberry address book. That e-mail was subsequently printed in the “Page Six” column of the New York Post on December 7.

“I have compared the two documents,” said Ms. Leopold by phone from the teacher’s lounge at John Glenn Middle School, “and there is no doubt in my mind that Ms. Lohan took Shelly’s ideas and presented them essentially as her own.”

And, from Dateline Hollywood, some good stuff:

LOHAN: ‘I’M TOTALLY KNOT ELLITERATE’: HOLLYWOOD — One week after sending a rambling, typo-ridden e-mail to friends condemning the press and falsely claiming that Al Gore promised to assist her, Lindsay Lohan is defending herself in an open letter to the Hollywood community.

“People cald (sic) me elliterate (sic). I’m totally knot (sic). I don’t understand why their (sic) is so much analmosity (sic) toareds (sic) me.”

BRITNEY SPEARS’ VAGINA ASKS PRESS FOR PRIVACY: HOLLYWOOD – At an emotional press conference Monday, Britney Spears’ vagina opened up about its life and asked the paparazzi to allow it some privacy during a difficult time.

“The next time you’re about to snap a photo, ask yourself how your vagina or penis would feel if it was swarmed with photographers every time it went out for some air,” Britney’s vagina told the gathered journalists.

FRIENDS AND FAMILY STAGE PANTY INTERVENTION FOR BRITNEY SPEARS: HOLLYWOOD — Concerned about Britney Spears’ new party lifestyle and the continuous flashing of her vagina to the paparazzi, the singer’s friends and family on Saturday staged what professional therapists call a “panty intervention.” Insiders say it was an emotional scene with her family forcing a pair of underwear on her, only to have Spears rip them off and break down in tears.

[UPDATE: TMZ has posted that friend of the troika, Nicole Ritchie, has been nabbed for a DUI. She was reportedly driving the wrong way on a freeway, and admitted to police that she was on prescription meds and smoked pot. Ouch! Welcome to the “watch,” Nicole!]

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