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Britney Spears “uncoverage” coverage: Day 2

December 1, 2006

The boom keeps on rolling.

The Internet is HOT for Britney Spears crotch information (and anything from the Britney-Paris HiltonLindsay Lohanaxis of evil” troika).

Britney performs in Hershey in 2000.So let’s dive in with a quick roundup of what’s been written lately:

WE KNEW AND DID NOTHING!: KeepMedia published a story from Chuck Klosterman back on Nov. 1 about Britney and her nakedness in Esquire magazine.

Ironic how this story sets up Britney’s latest four-time flash-fest, and how the writer completely sees the coming Britney re-invention efforts:

This is a hard detail to ignore because the men who have seen a pantless Britney belong to a highly select fraternity: It’s Justin Timberlake, her gynecologist, the photographer who’s doing this particular photo shoot, and (maybe) the frontman for a third-rate rap-metal band from Jacksonville, Florida. That’s more or less everybody.

And—perhaps stupidly—I actually thought I was about to rush this semipathetic frat; I honestly believed the reason I was invited to this photo shoot was to glimpse Britney’s secret garden and write about its cultural significance. Somehow, that seemed like the only logical explanation as to why her naked ass was being unleashed on the cover of this magazine; this whole affair must be an aggressive, self-conscious reinvention.

I mean, why else would they have invited the writer to the shoot? Why else would Spears have just released the “news” that she lost her virginity at the age of eighteen (a story that surfaced only twenty-four hours before this very photo session)? Isn’t this how the modern media operates? Isn’t everything wholly overt?

OBJECTION!: Fox News talked to some divorce lawyers, who say that Britney’s latest flaunting of private parts could come back to haunt her in a custody battle with her ex-husband Kevin Federline (or K-Fed, as he’s know in the ‘hood).

I don’t know what will hurt Britney most, the nudie pics, or the sex tell-all book that K-Fed is suspected to be shopping around?

PARTY LIKE IT’S 2007: Britney’s allegedly booked the Pure Nightclub at Caesars Palace hotel and casino in Las Vegas for a private New Years’ Eve gala (pants optional?). This according to the entertainment giant news source, China Daily.

CLEAN FUN?: The Toronto Star is running a Canadian Press hard-hitting report on Britney’s pelvic area, examining the … no, not kidding … the health risks associated with going pantless, including … again, not kidding … second-hand (or, ummm…second crotch?) health risks!

More from The Star:

Gynecologist Jackie Thomas cautions against fans following in the footsteps of their Hollywood idols. In terms of vaginal infections, no underwear at all can often be better than constricting synthetic panties, she says, but there are other considerations to take into account.

“It’s unhygienic not so much for the woman who’s not wearing underwear, but to the people around her,” says Thomas, who practises in Toronto.

“Let’s face it — like every other woman, they’ve got a certain amount of discharge and they are hanging around with other people.”

Thomas points out that doctors often advise women who have just given birth to forgo underwear for a few weeks to let “their vaginas air out.”

“But Britney Spears had an elective C-section, so it’s not like she’s making a health statement here. There’s no need for her to forego underwear unless she’s trying to avoid pantylines.”

PANTY RAID: And finally, the irony! Britney is out buying underwear, according to And yes, she is wearing pants while shopping.

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  1. December 3, 2006 2:58 am

    She’s just getting so nasty. You know, having children should give her some sort of want for self-respect or dignity. I want her to make a comeback and I feel sorry for her.. but with that said, showing your privates is highly gross. And those should just be for your significant other. (Or in her case.. othersssss..) 🙂

  2. puddlejumper permalink
    December 8, 2006 2:24 pm

    What about what she’s doing for the feminist bloggers?


    That being said it’s sad that Shelby feels that female privates are “gross.” Its the guys making money from her flashing that I’m annoyed at.

    IMO Britney’s bits are hers to show to whomever she likes.

    What a shame young women are growing up with such a skewed opinion of their own bodies.

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