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When toys go bad…

November 21, 2006

Just in time for Black Friday, World Against Toys Causing Harm (WATCH) has issued their list of the 10 most dangerous toys for 2006.

So if you’re kids have any of these items circled in your newspaper circulars, find them some nice socks instead. Kids LOVE socks for Christmas, from what I hear…

  1. Heelys children shoes (seen at right) with a roller skate wheel embedded in the heel. I’ve seen kids at the mall effortlessly gliding down the walkway with these shoes on, only to get distracted by a friend, a cute girl, or a Victoria’s Secret mannequin and land flat on their face when they hit a bump or crack in the tile. But what if these were ever adapted for adults? I can just envision now the first rolling pair of wing-tips, and people zipping down the aisles at church and at the office.
  2. Z Launcher Turbo Water Balloon Launcher. Who wants to be hit with a water balloon in the winter?
  3. Pram Decoration – Blossoms. This decorative flower is a choking hazard for small children.
  4. Pyramid Stacker. This Pottery Barn wooden stacking toy for babies can impale a child if they fall on it. Can’t wait for the “babies’ first punji pit.”
  5. Bow and Arrow Set. Five words: You’ll shoot your eye out!
  6. Zip-ity-Do Dolly. More little things for little kids to bite off the doll’s clothing, choking them. Quick thought: If little kids love to chew these small items off of toys, why can’t Gerber make a “small toy” flavored baby food? Goes great with strained peas.
  7. Lil Snoopy. The leash on the toy is too long for strangulation safety standards. Otherwise, cute doggy.
  8. Superman Lamp. Lamp gets very hot and may cause burns if used as a toy (No, I think that’s a failed “heat vision” feature.), and it reminds you to “unplug the lamp when you leave the house.” Well, I know I unplug all my lamps before I go out for the day. But, the overheating lamp is very realistic to the Superman storyline. I bet when Superman flew home from outer space, he had to be scorching hot from re-entry. I wonder if Lois made him wait outside until he cooled down, so he wouldn’t melt the carpets in the apartment. Darn it Lois! We have Scotchguard!!!
  9. Sky Blaster toy rocket. It’s a projectile, and is not safe unless in the hands of a trained projectile technician (ie. your typical high schooler)
  10. Fear Factor Candy Challenge. These bags of gummy candy are labeled “spine-chilling spiders”, “mystery meat”, and a “buzzard buffet.” Each are filled with disgusting shapes and flavors, to resemble the junk they feed contestants on the NBC show. “Toy aisles should not be used to encourage food-eating competitions, which invite potential choking and ingestion injuries, particularly for young children,” WATCH said. Besides, why is it that when you eat or smell something disgusting, you have to ask someone else to taste or smell it to verify your find?
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